Gaslighting & Triangulation
Why they work so well together. Gaslighting bends your reality; triangulation recruits an outside voice to endorse it. One scrambles your compass; the other confiscates your map.
Narcy's Saturday
Oh, but it’s never just gaslighting. Never only triangulation. What gives them teeth is the space in between those split-second pivots, quick as a blink, strung together until they feel like fate.
It began with an early phone call, wrapped in casual chatter, but closed with a quiet detour. Leave the house in a mess, leave him in the clutter, vanish with a promise to be “quick.” How long did it take to make that plan? Only the phone call. The question was never if it was planned. The question was how long she meant it to last. And so the morning began—let’s see how it unfolded.
What happened?
It was just a Saturday morning. A little plan on a plain little day. A list of yard sales. Maybe a thrift shop or two. Simple. Harmless. Maybe a bite to eat at a quaint café afterwards. What could go wrong?
And then… something shifted. A sudden need to “run into town.” It would be quick, of course. It’s always quick… until it isn’t.
That’s the kind of promise that sounds like kindness, but feels like a test. Classic future faking. Another morning set up to feel like so many others.
It may seem like nothing… but it wasn’t nothing. Just a curbside grocery pickup. A daughter who “didn’t want to drive alone” so early in the morning. And suddenly, the plan bends.
Time stretched. Ten miles became hours. Finally — the courtesy call.
“We’re on our way.” While "our plan" was still sitting in the back seat. Not a conversation. Not a discussion. A performance. Narcy’s typical boundary erosion. Her unilateral card of choice.
The ten miles back stretched to over an hour. And then the quiet morning turned slippery. An hour after the call, still no Narcy.
Some people wait.
Some people learn.
This time, he chose not to slide.
Not to wait. Not this time.
The yard-sale signs, the thrift aisles…
something like fresh air.
What began as a quick errand? It blossomed into a full-on Narciasco. Not an accident, perhaps — but a tactic. A nudge here. A delay there. Schedule sabotage — to see what he’d do. Who he’d be. How far he’d bend. And the subtle taming of what chores he’d be nudged into tackling alone in her absence.
The Aftermath
When he returns, the house is quiet. The kind of quiet that carries a question.
He
checks the indoor security cameras.
And there it is: a voice getting louder.
Bigger in a small room.
Not a conversation — an audience.
Daughter and grandchildren in range.
The phone on speaker.
A performance named Upper Hand. Influencing perception. Framing the narrative. Establishing the emotional connection.
“Other husbands don’t care if their wives leave to run errands. Other husbands would have waited.”
That isn’t advice for the caller, the children, or the daughter. It’s triangulation.
If you can’t win the argument at home? Import a judge.
Borrowed certainty — “Even they think he’s controlling.” Narcy tidying up with a manufactured consensus?
And if that doesn’t stick? Plant something else. “He’s been acting strange.” “Maybe he’s in contact with someone.”
That’s not concern. That’s smear seeding. Or was that possibly a bit of projection Narcy? Surely not.
Narcy — either give those children ear plugs… or popcorn.
Meanwhile, the details shuffle. “Kids didn’t want to go at first.” “They changed their minds. You know they love to be with their grandma.”
It looks like memory. Works like fog. That’s narrative revisionism.
Push back and the volume rises. That’s narcissistic rage.
The After-Aftermath
Confronted with the video. The timeline. The simple geometry of ten miles… and almost four hours. The answer is not an answer.
“That’s not the way it happened.”
It never is — when the truth is inconvenient.
That’s gaslighting.
Plain and polished.
Question the contradiction, and you’re handed a title you didn’t ask for. “Sherlock Holmes.” That’s deflection.
Ask why the plan was abandoned and suddenly you’re the problem. “You ruined my day.” That’s blame shifting.
She wasn’t alone? “They changed their minds.” That’s minimizing, buffed to a shine.
And the trap? Elegant. Wait and you’re “controlling.” Go and you’re “cheating.” That’s a double bind.
Together, the moves don’t just change the plan. They change the weather in the room. Where doubt feels safer than clarity. Unless, of course, you step out of the triangle.
The Epilogue
Now, I’ll be the first to admit… I’m not a professional. But even an amateur can spot a pattern when it plays out this clearly.
How can anyone twist this into blame shifting? To most people, it’s unthinkable. This isn’t a way of life. It’s a battlefield, where the weapons are words, and the stakes… well… they are your sanity.
One minute, you’re standing on solid ground. The next? You’re cross-examined for noticing what was done to you. Her delay becomes your impatience. Her broken promise becomes your sabotage. And somehow… you ruined her day.
It isn’t life. It’s theater. A stage dressed with smoke and mirrors. A performance polished to make you doubt yourself.
And finally — the words that hold the line. Simple language, not flashy. Just clear enough to keep your center. Because in this triangle, silence isn’t neutral. It’s surrender. Unless, of course… you step off the stage, and let the curtain fall
Key Takeaway
You don’t need a badge to spot a pattern this neat. Gaslighting bends the room; triangulation fills the seats. And in the dark between them? A dozen little detours that look like life… until you line them up.
- Name it. Confusion + “consensus” isn’t truth.
- Document it. Timelines, notes, receipts—reality travels with paperwork.
- Step out of the triangle. “Bring concerns to me directly. I won’t discuss third parties.”
- Protect your center. When the script demands you doubt yourself, don’t audition.
FAQs
Is triangulation always malicious?
Not always—but in this pattern, it’s used to control. Look for secrecy, pressure, or “consensus” used to silence you.
What if the third party is real?
Staying out of the triangle still applies. Invite direct conversation, or decline to engage when someone is used as leverage.
How do I rebuild self-trust after gaslighting?
Write timelines, debrief with trusted, neutral people, and notice how your body signals “off” before your mind rationalizes it away.
“Your memory is valid. Your notes are valid. Your boundary is valid.” — You
Narcy Knowledge — Match the Tactic to its Definition
Drag each term to the matching definition. Landscape orientation on phones, tap a term, then tap the target box.
She had to use most everything in her arsenal. The only line left unspoken on this page? “Ah, they could care less. They don’t dwell on stuff like you do. They forget this kind of thing. Not like you. They’re easy. They don’t care.”
Not concern. Not comfort. Just a neat little line — trimmed to make you feel small, while she walks away tall.